TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
