Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm at about main and main street
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
