i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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