I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
