this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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