and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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