Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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