those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
