She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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