If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
