Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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