I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
