you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
