i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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