why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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