A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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