sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
