Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
