the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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