you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
