Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
