Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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