Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
