My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He better not be in your backpack
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
