Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
