i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
