Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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