1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
