it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
