You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
