hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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