Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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