last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
