I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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