I don't usually arrange sex via text message
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
