No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
