i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
