When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
