i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
