; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
