It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
