So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
