Nicole vs. Life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
