singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
