why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
