yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
