Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
