just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
