i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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