My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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