Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
